Ephesians 4:15 – “…speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, that is, Christ…”
Most of us have seen either on TV or in a movie how authorities from the FBI confront a potentially hostile situation by knocking on a door declaring, ‘FBI open up.’ These are authorities coming to investigate a situation in which there is potential danger that needs to be confronted and settled.
Everywhere there are people gathered in community, there becomes a need for confrontation that I want to put under the same acronym FBI: Feelings, Behavior, Impact.
The Apostle Paul reminds us, as the community under the Lordship of Christ, that we need to be speaking the truth in love to one another if we are going to grow up into reflecting Christ’s character. Proverbs 27:5-6 reminds us, ‘Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. 6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.’ In other words, if we truly have others’ best interest in mind, we’re going to tell them what they need to hear, not always what they want to hear. If we truly love others, we are going to risk them not liking us if we feel we can help them in an area they are being self-destructive. How do we go about confronting well? Simon Sinek and his consulting company to businesses says you must make sure the three elements of feelings, behavior, and impact are shared. It doesn’t have to be in that order, but all three components bring the best results. How is someone’s behavior making others feel? What is it that is wrong about that behavior? What is the ultimate impact on others – the ripple effect?
Do you love people enough to declare, ‘F.B.I open up?’ If you do, make sure to really listen and avoid jumping to conclusions before giving them a chance to explain what led to their behavior. You might just hear them saying back to you ‘F.B.I open up’ yourself…you are part of my problem and your own behavior could be part of the solution.
Proverbs 19:20 – “Listen to advice and accept discipline, so that you may be wise the rest of your days.”